“You come rolling across my mind
Your hair flashing in the blue…”

Now playing in my head.
(Chasing Wild Horses, Springsteen)

I wish I could play this song for my dad. Lasso him out of my dreams and memories, settle him into the mustard yellow arm chair in the lonely den where I can still smell his old shirts and loose pajama bottoms, and tell him he needs to listen.

Please listen.

This is my story, I’d say. The one where the girl gets the horse.

He knew I longed to have a horse of my own.

That was a childhood dream that will likely never come true.

I lied about riding horses in preschool.

All these years later, it still startles me he believed me.

My parents always believed in me.

Without them here on earth, sometimes it’s hard to believe in myself.

Sometimes.

I’m less shy than I once was. I have my own imaginary wild, restless horses to tame, day after day.

I think I’m doing a good job.

It’s not easy to let go.
The struggle eases in this song.
I did not write it
but every word is mine.

I’m riding
Riding
Riding

Not off into the sunset.

Not yet.

There are many moons ahead, many wishes to wish and dreams to dream

And I will wrangle wild wishes
Until they turn into truth.